Beginnings...

Recently I am noticing how often negative feelings can pop up and how stifling they can be. More often than not lately I have just been downright angry. I am angry at Saint Paul, angry at the UMC... This is not to say that there isn't some justification for these feelings. I was told by the church that I wasn't welcome because of my age. To this day I am still not certified because I am ignored. I sit in classes where my fellow students take it as an opportunity to air their own personal thoughts rather than create a learning environment with the professor. I have been labeled arrogant and a cheat by professor's and subsequently graded down for reading beyond the required course material. It would be maddening if it weren't so downright sad, like we as the church have given up the fight for relevancy in the culture and instead chosen to defend outdated traditions because it is all we have. I often wonder, what has brought us to this point?

That may all sound dark and dreary, and to some extent it is, but I believe in hope. I have been reading 'A Broad Place', the autobiography of German theologian Jurgen Moltmann, and reading his story and passion for theology has renewed my soul. He tells of how he challenged an ecumenical conference to solve the issue of the filioque, the question of whether the Spirit processed from the Father or from the Father through the Son that was a main point of division between the Western and Eastern churches. After many hours of work they arrived on a settlement that since the Father and Son are eternally together the statement of procession through the Son is an unnecessary restatement of the original and thus could be removed. Moltmann lists off the endless names of obscure theologians who he studied and based his own beliefs on as well as the minute distinctions between different thinkers that has created theological dialogue. The book is intense in its attention to detail. It scares me as a potential theologian to think that there is so much to know. My reading list never stops growing...

However, beyond the minutiae (which I dorkily enjoy), what the book brings back to me is a passion for ideas that is the foundation for theological inquiry. Moltmann told of his experience in the World War 2 and the struggle to rebuild the German nation that somehow had to face the atrocities it committed. Deep within us all, beyond all our words and convoluted ideas is a recognition that there is a God and that God is speaking to us in ways that are both distant in his mystery and near in his love. It is our challenge as theologians and people of God to bring that presence to light. Just as an artist or writer has love for their craft, so to must we strive for the best in our practice of ministry and not settle for merely what works or how we have always done it.

So my challenge this semester will not to be bogged down in the pettiness that makes up our current context, but to continually strive to follow my calling. I hope that we can develop a community that embraces creativity and passion in ministry rather than merely judging the works of others. I hope to continue my own studies and pursuit of new ideas and look forward to hearing yours as well. As I look toward my own future with my graduation from Saint Paul only 3 months away, I feel as though I am at a new beginning. The idea of beginning is a scary thought after all the work I have had to put in to get where I am, but it's also exciting in the opportunity this moment brings with it. My goal is simply to center my own life around the hopeful expectation I have for the future and usher the same hope into the communities I serve.